i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Alive.
So much puke
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
