She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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