i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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