There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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