Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
