It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
