The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
