Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
