Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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