I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
