I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
