Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
