You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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