She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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