There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
