Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
