if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
