I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
