Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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