I'm drive I can fine osifer
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
