i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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