I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
