Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
