eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
