you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
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