Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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