batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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