I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
