Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
