the condom got lost in my hair
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
