We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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