I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
