At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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