great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
