apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
