What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
