I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
