its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
