I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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