I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
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