I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
