I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
it glows. i had to have it.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
