The maid of honor just puked.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Randomize
