Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
