Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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