Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Randomize
