Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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