sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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