Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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