Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
