I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize
