Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
