Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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