I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
