a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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