I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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